(Countdown) 99 Problems by Jay Z/Beyoncé (2023)

If you're having girl problems I feel bad for you son
I got ninety-nine problems but a bitch ain't one

I got the rap patrol on the gat patrol
Foes that want to make sure my casket's closed
Rap critics that say he's "Money, cash, hoes"
I'm from the hood, stupid, what type of facts are those?
If you grew up with holes in your Zapatos

You'd celebrate the minute you was having dough
I'm like, "Fuck critics" you can kiss my whole asshole
If you don't like my lyrics, you can press fast forward
Got beef with radio if I don't play they show
They don't play my hits, well, I don't give a shit, so
Rap mags try and use my black ass
So advertisers can give 'em more cash for ads, fuckers
I don't know what you take me as
Or understand the intelligence that Jay-Z has
I'm from rags to riches, niggas I ain't dumb
I got ninety nine problems but a bitch ain't one, hit me

Ninety nine problems but a bitch ain't one
If you having girl problems I feel bad for you son
I got ninety nine problems but a bitch ain't one, hit me

The year's '94 and my trunk is raw
In my rearview mirror is the motherfucking law
I got two choices y'all, pull over the car or
Bounce on the devil, put the pedal to the floor
Now I ain't trying to see no highway chase with Jake
Plus I got a few dollars I can fight the case
So I, pull over to the side of the road
I heard, "Son, do you know why I'm stopping you for?"
"'Cause I'm young and I'm black and my hat's real low
Do I look like a mind reader, sir? I don't know
Am I under arrest or should I guess some more?"
"Well you was doing fifty-five in a fifty-four" (uh huh)
"License and registration and step out of the car"
"Are you carrying a weapon on you, I know a lot of you are"
I ain't stepping out of shit, all my papers legit
"Well do you mind if I look around the car a little bit?"
Well my glove compartment is locked, so is the trunk in the back
And I know my rights so you goin' need a warrant for that
"Aren't you sharp as a tack? You some type of lawyer or something?"
"Somebody important or something?"
Well, I ain't passed the bar, but I know a little bit
Enough that you won't illegally search my shit
"Well we'll see how smart you are when the K-9 come"
I got ninety nine problems but a bitch ain't one, hit me

Ninety nine problems but a bitch ain't one
If you having girl problems I feel bad for you son
I got ninety nine problems but a bitch ain't one, hit me

Ninety nine problems but a bitch ain't one
If you having girl problems I feel bad for you son
I got ninety nine problems but a bitch ain't one, hit me

Now once upon a time not too long ago
A nigga like myself had to strong-arm a ho
This is not a ho in the sense of having a pussy
But a pussy having no goddamn sense try and push me
I tried to ignore 'em, talk to the Lord
Pray for 'em, 'cause some fools just love to perform
You know the type, loud as a motorbike
But wouldn't bust a grape in a fruit fight
The only thing that's goin' happen is I'ma get to clapping and
He and his boys goin' be yapping to the Captain
And there I go trapped in the Kit-Kat again
Back through the system with the riff-raff again
Fiends on the floor scratching again
Paparazzi's with they cameras, snapping 'em
D.A. tried to give a nigga shaft again
Half a mil' for bail 'cause I'm African
All because this fool was harassing them
Trying to play the boy like he's saccharine
But ain't nothing sweet 'bout how I hold my gun
I got ninety-nine problems being a bitch ain't one, hit me

Ninety-nine problems but a bitch ain't one
If you having girl problems I feel bad for you son
I got ninety-nine problems but a bitch ain't one, hit me

Ninety-nine problems but a bitch ain't one
If you having girl problems I feel bad for you son
I got ninety-nine problems but a bitch ain't one, hit me

Having girl problems I feel bad for you son
I got ninety-nine problems and a bitch ain't one

You're crazy for this one, Rick, it's your boy

"99 Problems" is a song by Jay-Z featuring a chorus from singer Beyoncé. It was released in 2004 and became one of the most popular songs of that year. The song's lyrics are about Jay-Z's struggles and confrontations in his career, particularly with law enforcement, the music industry, and the media. The chorus of the song refers to the fact that despite all of these problems, Jay-Z does not have any relationship issues with women.

The first verse of the song talks about the criticism that Jay-Z receives from rap critics who accuse him of being obsessed with money, cash, and women. He defends himself by saying that he is proud of his success and his origins from the hood, and he doesn't care about what his critics say. The second verse describes an encounter with a police officer when Jay-Z is driving and is pulled over for speeding. With his clever arguments and knowledge of his legal rights, Jay-Z manages to avoid any trouble with the law. In the final verse, Jay-Z tells a story of a confrontation with an aggressive man who tries to push him around, but Jay-Z stands his ground and refuses to be intimidated.

If you're having girl problems I feel bad for you son
I empathize with you if you have issues with women

I got ninety-nine problems but a bitch ain't one
I have many problems, but dealing with a difficult woman is not one of them

I got the rap patrol on the gat patrol
I have protection in place against those who threaten me and my career

Foes that want to make sure my casket's closed
There are people who want me dead and will do anything to make that happen

Rap critics that say he's "Money, cash, hoes"
Critics accuse me of promoting materialism and sexism in my music

I'm from the hood, stupid, what type of facts are those?
I come from a rough neighborhood where many stereotypes hold no truth

If you grew up with holes in your Zapatos
If you come from humble beginnings and had worn-out shoes

You'd celebrate the minute you was having dough
You would be extremely happy when you finally make money

I'm like, "Fuck critics" you can kiss my whole asshole
I don't care about what the critics say about me or my music

If you don't like my lyrics, you can press fast forward
You have the option to skip or ignore my songs if you don't enjoy them

Got beef with radio if I don't play they show
I have issues with radio stations that refuse to play my music

They don't play my hits, well, I don't give a shit, so
If radio stations refuse to play my popular songs, it doesn't bother me

Rap mags try and use my black ass
Magazines try to exploit my race to sell copies

So advertisers can give 'em more cash for ads, fuckers
Advertisers pay more money to these magazines for featuring me and other famous black artists

I don't know what you take me as
I am unsure of how you perceive me

Or understand the intelligence that Jay-Z has
You might underestimate my intelligence and street smarts

I'm from rags to riches, niggas I ain't dumb
I come from a poor background, but that doesn't mean I am unintelligent

The year's '94 and my trunk is raw
It's 1994, and my car's trunk is full of drugs

In my rearview mirror is the motherfucking law
I can see the police following me from behind

I got two choices y'all, pull over the car or
I can either stop my car and face the police or try to escape

Bounce on the devil, put the pedal to the floor
I choose to speed away and outrun the cops

Now I ain't trying to see no highway chase with Jake
I don't want to engage in a high-speed car chase with the police

Plus I got a few dollars I can fight the case
I have money to pay for a lawyer and fight any legal charges against me

So I, pull over to the side of the road
I eventually decide to stop the car to avoid further trouble with the police

I heard, "Son, do you know why I'm stopping you for?"
The policeman asks me why he pulled me over

"'Cause I'm young and I'm black and my hat's real low
I believe you pulled me over because of my race and age and my hat obscuring my face

Do I look like a mind reader, sir? I don't know
I don't know what you're thinking or what you want me to say

Am I under arrest or should I guess some more?"
I am uncertain if I am being detained or if I should continue to speculate

"Well you was doing fifty-five in a fifty-four" (uh huh)
The policeman informs me that I was driving slightly over the speed limit

"License and registration and step out of the car"
The policeman asks me to provide him with my driver's license and car registration, and exit my vehicle

"Are you carrying a weapon on you, I know a lot of you are"
The policeman assumes that I have a weapon on me because of my race and background

I ain't stepping out of shit, all my papers legit
I refuse to step out of my car, but I have all the necessary documents to prove my identity

"Well do you mind if I look around the car a little bit?"
The policeman asks for my permission to search my car

Well my glove compartment is locked, so is the trunk in the back
I inform the policeman that my car's glove compartment and trunk are locked

And I know my rights so you goin' need a warrant for that
I know my legal rights, and the policeman needs a warrant to search my car

"Aren't you sharp as a tack? You some type of lawyer or something?"
The policeman is impressed by my knowledge of the law and assumes that I'm a lawyer

"Somebody important or something?"
The policeman asks if I'm a high-profile public figure

Well, I ain't passed the bar, but I know a little bit
Although I'm not a licensed lawyer, I have some legal knowledge

Enough that you won't illegally search my shit
I know enough law to protect myself from illegal searches

"Well we'll see how smart you are when the K-9 come"
The policeman threatens to use a trained police dog to search my car

Now once upon a time not too long ago
I'm about to tell a story from my past

A nigga like myself had to strong-arm a ho
I had to physically overpower a woman who was trying to take advantage of me

This is not a ho in the sense of having a pussy
I'm not referring to a sex worker, but rather to a woman who was in a position to exploit me

But a pussy having no goddamn sense try and push me
This woman was foolish to test my resolve and push me to my limits

I tried to ignore 'em, talk to the Lord
Instead of resorting to violence, I first tried to pray and maintain my composure

Pray for 'em, 'cause some fools just love to perform
I pray for those who seek attention and act foolishly

You know the type, loud as a motorbike
These are the kinds of people who are obnoxious and make a lot of noise

But wouldn't bust a grape in a fruit fight
Despite their bluster, these people are not brave enough to take real action

The only thing that's goin' happen is I'ma get to clapping and
If they don't back down, I will resort to physical violence and shoot them

He and his boys goin' be yapping to the Captain
The person or group I shoot will likely have friends who will complain to the police

And there I go trapped in the Kit-Kat again
I will end up in custody again, and my life will be restricted

Back through the system with the riff-raff again
I will have to go through the legal system with other criminals

Fiends on the floor scratching again
Drug addicts will be surrounding me and causing chaos

Paparazzi's with they cameras, snapping 'em
The paparazzi will be taking pictures of me and my legal troubles

D.A. tried to give a nigga shaft again
The District Attorney's Office is trying to charge me unfairly again

Half a mil' for bail 'cause I'm African
I am being charged more money for bail because of my race

All because this fool was harassing them
I am in this situation because someone was trying to take advantage of me and I defended myself

Trying to play the boy like he's saccharine
This person was trying to manipulate me or acted overly sweet or friendly

But ain't nothing sweet 'bout how I hold my gun
I am not to be underestimated or viewed as an easy target, especially when I have a gun

I got ninety-nine problems being a bitch ain't one, hit me
I have many problems, but dealing with a difficult woman is not one of them

Ninety-nine problems but a bitch ain't one
I have many issues to deal with, but a problematic woman is not one of them

I got ninety-nine problems but a bitch ain't one, hit me
I repeat that my problems extend far beyond dealing with difficult women

Having girl problems I feel bad for you son
I empathize with those struggling in relationships with women

You're crazy for this one, Rick, it's your boy
The person who produced this song is commended for his creativity and vision